That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
youre lurking in front of me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
