About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i now understand why vodka
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
