forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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