I'm jealous of your bromance
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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