I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
