My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
