i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
