I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
