I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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