i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
