the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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