Umm I'm too high to move.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
