My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
