One girl and one boy is just not enough.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
