So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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