walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
