How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
