I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
