Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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