I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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