her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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