It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
