i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
