yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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