My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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