i need an iv and a liver transplant
I puked a lego.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
