I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
only you would photoshop your dick
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
