your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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