I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
