a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
