Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
