WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
