last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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