i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
