Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
