Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
