She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
