it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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