I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
