Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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