My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
BRING THE BAGELS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
