She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
