I heard we made out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
