You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
