Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
