We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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