sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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