hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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