dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
well most of my day revolves around power hour
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
