And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
