found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
