Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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