I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
